When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Ninja

I, like every other little girl out there (I assume) from an early age knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up.
A Ninja.
But alas, so far, I have failed.
There are certain skills a person must acquire before becoming a Ninja, but as Ninja’s are so secretive, you can’t just Google it. So I’m going to give you the best list I can of skills required to fullfil your destiny as a Ninja.
1) Must be unbeatable at all Martial Arts.
When my brother starting going to Wing Chun classes, I tagged along. I would copy all the moves as best I could.
We would watch Kung Fu movies together, studying the moves of Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan (Hong Kong movies only), and whatever happened to be on SBS that night.
Did you know Jackie Chan was in Enter the Dragon with Bruce Lee? I did. Jackie Chan was one of the minions whose nose Bruce Lee breaks. The move went wrong and Bruce actually did break Jackie’s nose, but they used the footage anyway.
We also watched Monkey Magic every night on the ABC to further our knowledge of Martial Arts, together we would then re-enact the scenes, but somehow I always had to be Pigsy or Tripitaka.
Obviously we watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles religiously, but found it more entertaining than educational. The only thing we developed, was a love of cheese pizza…
2) Must master the art of stealth.
A Ninja is neither seen nor heard, the only evidence of a Ninja is the dead bodies left behind.
I have worked at this skill for many years. I would often stand beside a doorway, with my back pressed against the wall, breath held as tight as possible, listening keenly for sounds of approaching victims.
Then, when the moment is right, I jump out and yell, AAAAHHHHHH!
This was usually met with a response of “Geez Sarah you scared me half to death” if it was my Mum, or a punch to the arm if it was my brother.
Haven’t quite got the hang of the silent part yet….
3) A Ninja works alone, and has nothing to lose.
So I’m .
Maybe when I master my Ninja skills I’ll get divorced??
I also have a cat and some family and stuff.
Hmmm.
4) Ninja Stars, a must have.
My brother had Ninja Starts.
I dropped one on my foot.
It hurt.
5) A Ninja doesn’t ask questions, a Ninja simply kills.
I ask a lot of questions, just a second ago I asked what that smell was?
A Ninja wouldn’t have asked, a Ninja would have slinked away, found the source of the odour, killed it, then returned before anyone noticed any movement.
I do hope to one day become a full Ninja, I will probably need to find somewhere or someone to help me further my Ninjucation.
Until that time, I will work on the 5 skills above.
Wish me luck?